Mrs. GH's 2nd Period AP Lit Class

OK guys, isn't being a student in the age of technology cool? I can sit here on the couch watching Nemo with my three year old and still send you homework. I love this stuff!
Conrad article

Your Brunette Ocean
X

Tickling hands
1
of aweing embracement
2
ruffle through manila thoughts.
3


I only envisioned us
4
doing those meager things
5
people let wiggle by
6
in this time of rushed recreation.
7


Sharing sips of frosted lemonade
8
on the warmest noon the sun can spare
9
while Canon in D Major lulls our love
10
to a peaceful standstill.
11


All we need to do is savor each other--
12
warm and damp,
13
fleshy and pressing.
14


Hair astray,
15
it brings out the toffee in your eyes.
16
Through an adoring gaze, I take my fill like a child.
17
Your hair's stirring cinnamon swirls
18
and glinting gold-kissed waves
19
paint my world of inspiration--
20
dictates my words for you.
21


Piano notes and guitar plucks
22
can't vibrate notes enough to challenge the music
23
we create in our silence.
24


Your presence
25
is my present.
26


You're nestled against my chest
27
on a grassy bed that's ours for the rolling.
28
Fitted airily inside my arm,
29
I press my hand against your lovely fluttering torso
30
while that lovely strawberry eloquence drifts
31
from the nape of your neck
32
challenging oxygen
33
and caressing my senses.
34


Sententious sailing
35
is all we do as I run my fingers through your strands of brunette ocean.
36


We're painting honey, we're painting
37


and this is a masterpiece.
38

That's touching Rebecca... but that's not the issue at hand in this post.

The issue at hand is...

bread

Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

This article was written by B.S. Wheatberry in a desert after consuming mass quantities of yeast bread then realizing his canteen was empty. (seriously =P )

-X-

APers,

I made a big mistake! If you plan to see "The Importance of Being Earnest" this weekend, it ends on Saturday night NOT Sunday. I misread the email and it started on Thursday and goes through Saturday. The matinee is 2 PM Saturday, NOT Sunday. If you guys planned to go Sunday, know that it's not an option. If you know of other students who planned to go on Sunday, please let them know of the change.

I feel bad.

Mrs. GH